I remember who I am, a daughter of God.

Kamry wrote 2 emails this week.  She felt really inspired to share her story of how she has been dealing with depression and anxiety while on her mission.  It has been a hard long road but she is finally feeling like herself again.  Thank you for praying for her and all the other missionaries around the world.


For the past several months I have been struggling with anxiety and depression. Changing countries, culture, and language while training and white washing is extremely hard on a mission. Throw mental illness on top of there and March and April turned into hell. Thanks to the love and support of many people around me, plus medication, I've been slowly getting better. I was getting back on my feet, but although I kept turning to prayer and scripture study, something was still missing. I felt like the darkness was fading, and the sun was coming up, but I was still walking through thick fog. Just a couple weeks ago, I emailed my dad telling him that I often felt more like a child of hell than a child of Heavenly Father because hell is dark and sad like me. I had completely and entirely lost who I was. This week however, I remembered. 

While sitting in a district meeting on Wednesday, we were watching a really powerful video about a mans conversion to the Gospel. As I watched, it was like a light switch was flipped on in my mind. I AM A DAUGHTER OF GOD! He has a plan for me! He LOVES me and VALUES me. This knowledge filled my mind with a light and peace I have been begging God to give me. During the hardest moments of despair I would repeat over and over, "I am a child of God. He loves me and I love me". But now, instead of just saying it, I really know it and feel it. Growing up in the church, I think I grew accustomed to hearing that I was a child of God, I didn't know how precious that knowledge was. I didn't know what it was like to not have that core understanding of my identity. Now I get it when converts say that they learned who they were and that it made such a massive difference in their lives. I testify that the light of the Gospel is real and tangible. It is centered in knowing that I am a daughter of Heavenly Father and that He loves me so much that He sent His son to come and die for me. This knowledge is powerful, it is healing. It is truly the most important thing a person can know. 

I am aware that the rest of my mission, and the rest of my life, will still be full of trials and struggles. And I'm definitely staying on my medication. But ever since that moment in district meeting when I felt the spirit so strong and remembered who I really am, it's like everything has changed. I am filled with light and joy that I can't put to words. It is like energy that reaches out through my fingers and toes. And now I can see how blessed I am to have been given the opportunity to taste the darkness so that I can more fully appreciate and feel the light. I know who I am and what I can become. I am special, powerful, strong, righteous. My potential is unlimited. I am His.